Dear Citizen™, you probably bought a Tesla, Apple, Dyson, VW Golf or something similar. After spending a disproportionate amount of money in relation to your gross salary™ that thing has broken in your hands, cracked, died, caught fire, tried to cause you injury, or shattered as soon as a baby laid a finger on it. Or you’re at work and a very expensive, professional™ item has just failed miserably. Well, if you are caught up in forbidden feelings keep calm and remember the ten enshitments, the very foundation of the Consumerist Regime for which you yourself are responsible.
- Thou shalt have no Supplier other than me
- Thou shalt not take the warranty in vain
- Remember to sanctify failures
- Honour the contract and the specifications
- Thou shalt not disassemble and repair
- Thou shalt not criticise, for that adversely affects the user experience
- Thou shalt not doubt certifications
- Thou shalt not say it’s crap
- Thou shalt not covet other people’s product
- Thou shalt not try other people’s product